Passage of time.

It's funny how time moves at the same pace no matter what. Sometimes it feels like it moves so fast you can barely breath, much less live. Other times its so painful nothing moves fast enough. A dear friend says from time to time that she wishes she could fast forward and see how it turns out. Maybe I would, just to get a preview. Maybe soften the blow, offer some hope. There was a time that I loved loved loved to look back into my past in one year or two year increments. In vacations the last times I was here.... But lately, now it's just to hard. The looking back. I wish I could explain it. Even to myself. It's hard when you look back at your life and you can no longer make sense of what is real and what is not. I spent a huge part of my life living what was a lie or what seems to be a lie. Believing what I wanted to, what I thought was real. This it proving to be a huge challenge. It's hard when you feel like you are walking on egg shells in your own head.