Musings.

I always struggle with the title. I feel like it sets the tone and lately stuff has just been all over the place so a succinct title just seems impossible.

D's home on a visit and it's nice having him here. It 's nice as the kids really like having him around. It's nice to have someone else in the house and though I am reluctant to admit it it's nice to just be with him. I have really missed my husband. Not just the past 8 weeks but for the months before.

It's funny I've always known words like bleak and misery but now I feel like I KNOW them. I have for the past few days felt bleak. It seems like lately I say yeah sure, that's fine. When really I have no F**cking idea of how that will work. It does seem to always work out (I'm supposed to be seeing my higher power in this) but the last eight weeks has really just worn me out. But truth be told there are times when I want to so NO that won't work. I know it's dumb and unreasonable and selfish and nonsense but NO. I don't do it as in the end it doesn't best serve the situation but I must admit I do think about it. It must be the co dependant enabler in me. I say that with a smile.
I have always believed that I can do anything. Not delusional crazy but confident that what ever needs to be done can be. Ok ready to move on.

I haven't been able to get to an alanon meeting and I'd really like to go...it's been a couple of weeks and it's so hard to carve out the time. Excuses excuses.

I have learned so much the past few months it blows my mind.